Originally published on May 19, 2021

There were no signs we could look back on. It was literally overnight, as if an infection had swept them all away.

My daughter was the quintessential "girly girl" when she was young. Everything had to be pink. She wouldn't wear shorts in summer, only skorts. She reported that she wanted to be a ballerina or a princess when she grew up. Elementary school was rough for her, though. She had few friends, and her grades began to slip as she got older. Finally, in 5th grade, she was diagnosed with ADHD. The medications helped her, but the diagnosis added to her already strong sense of "otherness."

“When did we make it no longer acceptable to identify as lesbian or bi? How did we fail to equip them to live happily in their female bodies? How did we make them believe that femaleness was something that they can and should opt out off? How have we failed a generation of girls?”

— An Anonymous Mom

She hit puberty a couple of years later in 7th grade, and it was a nightmare. She started wearing baggy, black clothes from the boys' department. She cut off her long red hair and adopted a unisex nickname. Her sunny personality changed almost overnight. Later that year, she was diagnosed with anxiety and depression.

She had never had many friends, so we were thrilled when she found a group of girls in middle school who shared her interests in music and art. They also seemed to share many of my daughter's diagnoses, including depression and anxiety along with Autism spectrum diagnoses, OCD, and eating disorders. At first, many of them identified as lesbian or bisexual. And then, my daughter would come home with alarming regularity and say that Anna was now Kyle. Mia was now Avery. Jen was now Justin. [From almost all] girls, her entire friend group now identified as male or, as in the case of my daughter, non-binary.

One girl went on puberty blockers. Several started using binders. Her best friend, a cheerful, sparkly girl with pink hair named "Katie," changed her name to Hunter and started using they/them pronouns. It was almost overnight. Girls we had known, in some cases, since kindergarten were suddenly proclaiming that they were not, in fact girls, but boys. There were no signs we could look back on. It was literally overnight, as if an infection had swept them all away.

Our daughter started talking about trans "influencers" she had watched on YouTube. She purged her closet and her room of anything that could be considered remotely feminine. She made noises about wanting to wear a binder. When we expressed some reservations about the changes she and her friends were making in their lives, she threatened self-harm. My husband and I had always considered ourselves liberals, but we watched in horror as we began to lose our beautiful daughter to an ideology that we were not even allowed to question.

Ironically, it was my daughter's mental health crisis that saved her. As she spiraled deeper into depression, she withdrew from her friend group and eventually lost touch with them as middle school wore on. Thanks to therapy and the right balance of meds, she began to come out of her depressive haze once she entered high school. She confessed that the persona she had adopted was as a result of the trauma of puberty. She is now happy and healthy. She considers herself bi, but she embraces her female identity.

A couple of the girls from her friend group also drifted away, but the majority still identify as trans or NB. One is, apparently, scheduled for top surgery right after graduation in a few weeks. Her friend Katie of the unicorns and butterflies now identifies as trans and uses he/him. According to her Facebook profile, she is dating another transboy. She still has pink hair.

We were lucky, but I shudder to think of what might have happened. I'm angry that we are failing our girls. When did we make it no longer acceptable to identify as lesbian or bi? How did we fail to equip them to live happily in their female bodies? How did we make them believe that femaleness was something that they can and should opt out off? How have we failed a generation of girls? How?

Letters From the Front is a series from WoLF curating stories from women about how “gender identity” ideology has impacted them.

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